My Broken Marriage
It was a very cool day and we were seated in a corner of a famous restaurant in Chennai. It is the first time I’m meeting her and her family. First time in my life , I’m part of a bride seeing ceremony , the very process I had considered irrelevant to the current world and later on had to convince myself that this is the way of life , hanging on to optimism all this way. I was dressed in my usual unconventional way , not giving any consideration to the attire aspect at all. She was dressed in a bright short kurta and a jeans , without any makeup or special care , as this was my clear instruction. I had made up my mind to speak all about me , anything and everything and let her decide whether she can accept me , whether she can spend the rest of the life with me. After a few minutes of being put up in an rather embarrassing position , with the rest of the family members seated around and watching us with teasing eyes and giggling amongst them , I started the whole thing by offering her an ice-cream. We moved away from the crowd , a few meters separating us. We started from the usual talk about families and after a few minutes into this chat , I let her know that I cannot talk to her freely and frankly(dhil kolke) , with the whole crowd following us literally. I was looking for some private moments with her where i can talk about everything and anything about me.We went towards my car and we left for the cool & relaxing ECR and after a few minutes of tense driving by me , reached the Muttukad boating site at around 11 AM.
We spent close to 4 hours there , most of the time talking about our individual lifes , till this point. I talked about everything , my childhood craze towards dance , my capabilities at grasping new things when I was a kid , my love towards tamil and how it transcended to me writing poems on a daily basis and where I stand on that skill today. We spoke about our individual views on issues ranging from the problems faced by the Indian society , movies , personal likes , sex , glamour in cinema , aids, the confused Indian teens , personal likes & small things like eating panipuris on a road-side shop & what not. At the end of the talk ,above everything else I felt that she fitted well into one of the key qualities which I was looking for in my life partner. The maturity , attitude towards life and the openness to talk & communicate about issues which people generally prefer not to discuss even as couples and listening to the partner when he/she was trying to tell something. We again spoke over the phone the same night and finally came to the conclusion that we will make a good couple if not a great couple.
I wanted the marriage to happen atleast after a gap of 4-6 months so that we try to understand each other to the extent possible during that time. Understanding human nature , being the toughest thing in anybody’s life , if can’t be done within 6 months , can well be attempted at. Our marriage was fixed to be after after 6 months. This was one hell of a time , knowing that the void feeling that was creeping into me day after day for the past few years , was finally going to go and the sheer feeling of having a woman in my life had put my life on top gear. Day after day , our talk kept on breaking boundaries after boundaries , throwing open our minds to various new things into our lifes and simply the feeling of the areas which we might explore as a couple after our marriage kept me flying day after day. This started showing on my behavioral aspects too. I , who was perceived as a serious faced chap till the time somebody really started moving with me and got to know me , was undergoing an total makeover on my outlook , helping me to pose a happy face all time around.
But on the day of marriage , just before a couple of minutes before the time when i was about to leave my bachelorhood behind me , i came to know that she was not intrested in the marriage at all and she was totally forced into this. I did a fast run through of the events starting from the day i met her till this time. Everything seemed to just evoporate in front of my eyes. I got into the room where she & her family were put up and had an interaction with her (CA in business terms). Finally it was my simple appearance and my bespectacled face which failed to impress her. Being a guy who does not really give importance to external aspects of a person , this was a huge shock for me. I could not really comprehend the situation for a couple of minutes and cursed my inability as a person , for being unable to see this thing coming and kept wondering as to how she was being able to show an totally different face to me inspite of all these things happening inside her , starting from the time when we had met & talked for the first time till this moment. Having this inside her mind for so many months and still she was talking to me as if nothing unusal was happening. Total deceivement , one can say , but to me it was a total loss of trust on a system which never succeeded in convincing me , till the time i started to feel that it was not possible for me to lead my life single anymore and having seen the method seeming to work fine in a few of my friend's cases. Everything seemed to come crashing on me and the void feeling inside me started to grow bigger. How can a person who has been all alone for 27 years in his life , without the least presence of a woman in his life , can be expected to accomodate a new woman into his life all of a sudden. An thought provoking question in fact , one still unanswered by me.
"Abhe yaar!. Ut na yaar . Time Saade aat baje bhaj gayi bhe. Office ke liye Nikalna hain", It was one of my roomies waking me up early in the morning. Ohh!! Everything was a damn dream , rather an nightmare!. Hope i never come across something like this in my life.
We spent close to 4 hours there , most of the time talking about our individual lifes , till this point. I talked about everything , my childhood craze towards dance , my capabilities at grasping new things when I was a kid , my love towards tamil and how it transcended to me writing poems on a daily basis and where I stand on that skill today. We spoke about our individual views on issues ranging from the problems faced by the Indian society , movies , personal likes , sex , glamour in cinema , aids, the confused Indian teens , personal likes & small things like eating panipuris on a road-side shop & what not. At the end of the talk ,above everything else I felt that she fitted well into one of the key qualities which I was looking for in my life partner. The maturity , attitude towards life and the openness to talk & communicate about issues which people generally prefer not to discuss even as couples and listening to the partner when he/she was trying to tell something. We again spoke over the phone the same night and finally came to the conclusion that we will make a good couple if not a great couple.
I wanted the marriage to happen atleast after a gap of 4-6 months so that we try to understand each other to the extent possible during that time. Understanding human nature , being the toughest thing in anybody’s life , if can’t be done within 6 months , can well be attempted at. Our marriage was fixed to be after after 6 months. This was one hell of a time , knowing that the void feeling that was creeping into me day after day for the past few years , was finally going to go and the sheer feeling of having a woman in my life had put my life on top gear. Day after day , our talk kept on breaking boundaries after boundaries , throwing open our minds to various new things into our lifes and simply the feeling of the areas which we might explore as a couple after our marriage kept me flying day after day. This started showing on my behavioral aspects too. I , who was perceived as a serious faced chap till the time somebody really started moving with me and got to know me , was undergoing an total makeover on my outlook , helping me to pose a happy face all time around.
But on the day of marriage , just before a couple of minutes before the time when i was about to leave my bachelorhood behind me , i came to know that she was not intrested in the marriage at all and she was totally forced into this. I did a fast run through of the events starting from the day i met her till this time. Everything seemed to just evoporate in front of my eyes. I got into the room where she & her family were put up and had an interaction with her (CA in business terms). Finally it was my simple appearance and my bespectacled face which failed to impress her. Being a guy who does not really give importance to external aspects of a person , this was a huge shock for me. I could not really comprehend the situation for a couple of minutes and cursed my inability as a person , for being unable to see this thing coming and kept wondering as to how she was being able to show an totally different face to me inspite of all these things happening inside her , starting from the time when we had met & talked for the first time till this moment. Having this inside her mind for so many months and still she was talking to me as if nothing unusal was happening. Total deceivement , one can say , but to me it was a total loss of trust on a system which never succeeded in convincing me , till the time i started to feel that it was not possible for me to lead my life single anymore and having seen the method seeming to work fine in a few of my friend's cases. Everything seemed to come crashing on me and the void feeling inside me started to grow bigger. How can a person who has been all alone for 27 years in his life , without the least presence of a woman in his life , can be expected to accomodate a new woman into his life all of a sudden. An thought provoking question in fact , one still unanswered by me.
"Abhe yaar!. Ut na yaar . Time Saade aat baje bhaj gayi bhe. Office ke liye Nikalna hain", It was one of my roomies waking me up early in the morning. Ohh!! Everything was a damn dream , rather an nightmare!. Hope i never come across something like this in my life.
posted by thiyo | 10:26 AM
<< Home